Ben's Story.

"I grew up with a single mother. We grew up in a pretty ghetto area, when you'd go for walks and stuff you'd see patched up gang members walking in the streets and stuff like that." 

Ben's world unravelled when he came home to find his mother being assaulted by her ex-partner. "It sort of threw me right off and made me pretty angry. I think I started drinking and using solvents and just dumb stuff. And yeah, just started going off the rails then." 

At 14, Ben was introduced to methamphetamine through his brother's friends. "I was peer pressured to use meth. I was put in the boot by one of my brother's friends. I got let out of the boot and I thought we were having a session of weed, but got told 'nah, put that away.' So that's sorta how I ended up using meth." 

Years of escalating crime and imprisonment followed. Ben describes a pattern of self-destructive behaviour that saw him deliberately seek out dangerous situations. "I used to beat myself up a lot, I would get myself put in situations where I'd get hurt and put in hospital. It was cause I was hurting and I didn’t know how to deal with it." 

The lowest point came when Ben was 21. "I lost my mum to suicide, which was real sad. At the same time I lost my mum, I lost talking to my kids as well, so life just sorta got out of control." He turned to methamphetamine to numb the overwhelming grief. 

"I just ended up using a lot more meth and not wanting to feel those feelings." The turning point came during his most recent imprisonment. "I wasn't in jail for a very long period, but it definitely was a little bit longer than what I usually do and I think that was what woke me up, is do I actually want to live like this? Do I want to keep living in and out of jail or do I want to do better with my life?" 

"The Navigate unit was the best period of prison that I've done. You felt connected, you felt like people wanted better for you, like they cared for you, you just felt more loved." 

"I used to love coming and having chats with Silvan and Milly, Matiu when he’d come out and do a gym session with me, or with the boys. It was good to catch up with people from the outside and just see how life was." 

Through programmes addressing grief and childhood trauma, Ben began understanding his destructive patterns. "I went to programmes and programmes, to try and find out what was going on with me, and it all comes back to the grief stuff, just feeling not wanted and stuff when I was younger, childhood stuff."

"It's quite good to have people actually believe in you. It's like having another parent really, 'cause my dad's in active addiction at the moment and he's not very present in my life." 

Since being released, Ben's commitment to reintegration has been impressive. According to Reintegration Navigator Milly: 

“Ben has gone so hard out for his own reintegration and been responsible for his own life, which is something we don't always see.”

Ben's future plans reflect his desire to help others. "I made the goal to become a youth worker or a support person." For now though, he's focusing on stability “Now I’m just gonna try get a job and a car sorted while I wait so I can drive to the placement and stuff, it would be handy to do that. And I can go for my full license in October which is cool, I never held a full licence.” 

Today, Ben has stable housing, clear goals, and a determination to help others who are struggling. For someone who once felt unwanted and deliberately put himself in harm's way, Ben has found his purpose in wanting to prevent others from walking the same destructive path he knows too well. 

*Name has been changed

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